Know– 1-to be sure of or have facts about,2- to be aware of; realize, 3-to have in one’s mind, 4- to be acquainted with, 5-to recognize, 6-to be able to tell the difference in.

When Holt Rowland was almost fifteen years old, he had the opportunity to travel to a country in the Middle East… far, far away from Blackshear, Georgia. When we first heard of the trip, Holt asked his dad and me to please pray about whether or not he should apply to go. During the trip he would be working with children doing recreation in an English camp. He wouldn’t be able to openly talk to the kids about Jesus, but he would be able to share the love of Jesus with them by getting to know them and playing games through the camp. I knew in my heart that Holt should go on the trip, but selfishly as his mother, I didn’t want to see my child travel thousands of miles away from home into what could be a volatile environment. With all the threats of terrorism and the stories of  daily attacks in the Middle East countries, I was nervous and scared for him to go. Still Holt asked us to pray.

As time grew closer for the application for the trip to be turned in, I continued to be certain that the trip was just a bad idea. I mean, he was not even fifteen years old at that time. I told myself, “What kind of crazy parent lets there barely fifteen year-old son go to a foreign country so far away in this day and time?” I tried to convince Holt to wait until he was older; I would feel better about it then.

The day before the application was due Holt said, “Mama, we have got to fill out the application and get it turned in.” I said, “Holton, I really think you should wait until you’re older.”  He said, “Mama, have you prayed about this?”  Now at this point I kinda told Holt a false truth….”Yes, son, I have prayed about it.”  Holt Rowland then said, ” So Mama, are you telling me that you prayed about this and God told you to tell me that I shouldn’t go on this trip?” Now at this point I told Holt Rowland another false truth or better yet, a lie……”Yes, Holt, I prayed about this, and yes, God told me to tell you NOT to go!” He then looked right at me and said, “Mama, you know God has NOT told you that!”  And he was so right. Not only had God not told me that, I knew deep down that Holt should apply because he would be a perfect young man to go on the trip. (You can’t blame a mom for trying.)

Now my resistance didn’t stop there. There were two trip opportunities going on at this time, a short trip that would last one week and an extended trip that would last for almost three weeks. I reasoned to myself, “OK, we will apply but maybe Holt will get picked for the short trip or hopefully not picked at all.” I even told our associate pastor, “Look, we are turning in Holt’s application, but it is alright if he doesn’t get picked. He just feels led to apply.”  Still knowing in my heart the whole time that not only would Holt get picked but it would be for the long trip. I just knew it; I guess you could call it “Mom’s Intuition.”

Sure enough, I was right. Holt Rowland would be applying and, for certain, going on the extended, almost three week, mission trip. I had a small sense of worry, but to tell you the truth, God began to give me such a sense of peace. Now Holt’s grandparents were not overly excited about this trip at first…..I think they thought Dave and I were crazy, but they encouraged Holt, and I am certain they all began to pray months before he ever left Blackshear. See, that is one thing  Holt Rowland has always had, an army of praying family members. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who take God seriously and know that prayer makes a difference.

As time drew near for the trip we got ready. Passport, shots, classes regarding the proper customs of the country (he had to be reminded not to spit everywhere…he’s a baseball player, you know), luggage packed, a couple of new baseball books to read and a new PSP game to occupy time on the long flight over, and one last meal of good-ole fried chicken fingers from Maryland’s to hold him over until he got back to South Georgia. After all that, he was prepared to go.

When the morning came to take him to the church for departure, it was difficult. He turned fifteen in May and the trip was in July. He looked like such a baby,a  six-foot tall baby, as he hugged us all good-bye and we said one last prayer together. When the mission team drove off for the airport our family cried a little, especially his daddy, but we knew in our hearts that God would take care of Holt and the trip was for the best.

While Holt and the other team members were gone for those weeks we all prayed every day for their safety and for God to work in the lives of everyone involved. We emailed a little with Holt and got to Skype with him a couple of times. Each time we communicated with him, we could hear the excitement in his voice and the change in his heart. We soon received a special email from him telling us how much he appreciated his life in America and how thankful he was for his family. From that email we knew that Holt had seen life from another perspective, and he realized just how blessed he was to have Jesus in his life. When those weeks passed by and the trip finally came to an end, we loaded all the grandparents up and went to the airport to pick him up. Dave and I waited at the front of the line to see who would get our hands on Holt first. I will say that my sweet husband was kind enough to let me win the race and hug Holt first. I was so happy to see that kid and know that he was safe in my arms.

After Holt returned we got to hear all the stories of the children he met and the adventures on the trip. When you pull up the home page of our website, and you see a picture of Holt in the middle of lots of little girls, that picture is one from his trip. Those are several of the children who attended the camp. I know that trip changed Holt Rowland for the better and it changed me too. I honestly didn’t want him to go, I resisted, but in the end I was so thankful that God allowed him to have that opportunity. It was definitely for the best.

That trip taught me a lot then and at the same time prepared me for what I know today. Now I look at God’s plan for Holt’s life kind of like that mission trip. I did not want Holt to go to heaven when God took him. It was a trip that I thought should wait until he was older…..much older. I would have totally resisted if God had asked me about it beforehand. Like that mission trip to the Middle East, it is not what I wanted, but in the end, I have to believe that it is the best plan ….even though I don’t understand it, even though it scares me, even though it makes me cry, and even though I wish it didn’t include my child.

At times now I view Holt as being on another extended mission trip far away. It is not a trip that I wanted him to take. And this time I’m not sure when he will come home or when I can go visit. He can’t email us, and we aren’t able to Skype. But this I know….there will come a day that I will be able to say that God’s plan for Holt was definitely the best plan. There will come a day that I will be thankful God gave him such an opportunity and he got to go. There will come a day that the sacrifice will be worth the all the pain…………I just know.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10