One summer, I don’t know what possessed me, I decided that I was going to accelerate turning my two young sons into two young gentlemen. Now I know what you are thinking, what would make you think you could turn a normal seven year old and an eleven year old into two young men with the manners of royalty? Well, it must have been the book I bought entitled, “How to Raise A Gentleman.” The book, I decided, would be the final cure all for all of my boys’ bad habits, and maybe help their father too. The hardback book had a pretty dark gray cover with gold metallic writing down the side. Selfishly, I bought the book with this thought in mind, “If it doesn’t work with my boys, at least it will look pretty sitting on my bookshelf.”
I purchased the book right before our family left for a family vacation, so to me it seemed like perfect timing. We would be traveling in the car a good three hours to get to our destination, and that meant my boys would be a captive audience while we rode. As the trip began, I would read a chapter and then begin the process of tutoring my boys on what I had learned. Along the drive, I taught them the correct etiquette to follow when making public introductions, the proper way to answer the telephone, and also the proper way to speak when placing a call. I even learned the proper way to discipline a child in public or when he had company over to play. Of course, that chapter advised using a calm voice and removing the child from people before giving him a good scolding. One would not want to embarrass the young gentleman in front of his friends…Lol.
The book was interesting to me, but my two scoundrels pretty much let the valuable information that I relayed to them go in one ear and out the other. Of all the lessons that I taught, reminded, and preached to them on that trip, there was only ONE piece of information that they both remembered from that vacation on. In one section of the book, the topic of passing gas in public was addressed. (I mean, let’s face it, even a fine young gentleman has to pass gas sometimes.) The book seriously explained that passing gas around other people was not a trait of a gentleman and that when a gentleman felt that he was going to pass gas, he should quietly excuse himself from public to a place where he could, you know, relieve himself properly without anyone being aware. The book continued to explain that if a gentleman found himself in a position where he could not get in private to pass gas, the proper response would be to have a key word that would be used to let people know that the gentleman was about to relieve himself, kind of like a warning word. This type of warning would be most helpful in a setting like riding in a car with other people. The gentleman could say a word like, “Safety!” and the other passengers would know to let the windows down so they would not be bothered by the smell.
Now, I am so sure that when that section was written, someone was thinking of their own sweet, quiet, mature southern gentleman son, not by two heathens!!! When I told my car load of boys what I learned in that interesting chapter, they burst out laughing, and you guessed it, they started trying to pass gas just so they could scream, “Safety!” That word truly became their battle-cry as they tried to poot over and over again all the way to our destination and for years thereafter. No amount of my complaining or re-explaining the purpose of the warning word was changing their perspective of the new way to announce they needed to or had pooted! Even today, you could ask my boys, “Do you remember that book your mom read about raising a gentleman?” The response would be undeniably, “Yes, that was the book that taught us to yell ‘Safety!’ every time we poot!” They totally missed the point of that lesson. Welcome to my world…
I saw that book looking pretty on my bookshelf earlier today, and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about my boys that summer. Even with all the additional pooting, it was a great time together. I’m so thankful that over the years my boys did manage to learn a few other things about manners that stuck. I’m also thankful that although they may not have turned out to be the fairest of southern gentlemen, they both do know how to shake hands, say “Yes, mam, Yes, sir, please, and thank you,” and the number of times I hear the word “Safety!” yelled is beginning to ease up too!
I’m sure when you read this post today you had no idea you would learn more than you wanted to know about the Rowland family. Just keeping it real, folks. Just keeping it real. 😉
